The line from Stockard Channing, you know the one..."My Darling Girl, when are you going to realize that being normal isn't necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage!" That line right there - then and there - caused me to reconsider what I had, what I was groomed for since childhood vs - what were MY dreams, did I want to ever be any more than I already was - or settle for what I was right then?
Like Sally in Practical Magic - I'm now recently widowed, from my soul mate of 24 years and attempting to still find my feet after 8 months. People really don't know what to do with me or what to say around me, some even consider me a project. Yuck! Everyone wants to help and I'm very appreciative.
But this week - I came to realize that "putting on my Big Girl Panties" didn't mean - suck it up and quit crying, repress my feelings, or work harder - but instead to step out on new found feet and work smarter as well as harder. I was meant to do this. Lee (hubby and deceased soul mate) coming into my life - made me a better and stronger person. Before he came around - I was the "yes girl" - a freakin doormat, a "People Pleaser". Double Yuck! In those months following his death - I started that silly little behavior again - being a doormat and the "yes girl". Darn it!
"Keep yourself busy, it helps!" - So I did - running around finding projects,jobs -overloading and in survival mode. "yes"-ing myself into a tail spin - because if I kept myself busy- it might not hurt so much. Yeah-right! Guess what? It doesn't actually help. We all have to find our own way though.
Putting on your Big Girl Panties - means not giving a lily white rat's ass what anyone thinks, and doing what you have to do, period. What they think you should do or say, feel or how to behave. You can't worry about what others think and do what you have to do to go forward and actually live again. Opinions are like hineys - everyone has one and very few are great!
"Putting on your Big Girl panties" means not being in survival mode and but instead creating the life you want for yourself by hard work and perseverance. After the worst possible thing you could imagine, happens to you - what are you gonna do? You have two choices - curl up and rot (ok granted we feel like doing that for awhile)
or find your feet again, stand up, fall down many a time - but keep getting up anyway.
Look at Sally in the movie - the bedroom scenes - sleeping all day, not showering(gross),tired all the time. The "visit" from wildchild sister, Jillian - was the kick in the pants she needed, to get started again. Not just the visit or having to go rescue her sister from a maniac- but it was what see needed to get jump started again.
No one is going to do it for you and if they did - what would YOU have anyway. It wouldn't be your accomplishments but theirs instead. It will probably be some of the hardest work you'll ever do, but by far the most rewarding.
That is what Lee would be saying right now, if he could. Why did it take so long to hear his words? With mourning - you tend to block a lot out and be numb - it's easier to get through the days and especially the nights. No one knows until they've been there first hand.
I'll never quite be the girl that was married to that wonderful and kind hearted man, but I gotta find the new Dana, decide to like her and work with her now. Sally did it and look at the new life she found. Do I want another guy in my life right now or even possibly ever? - nope! Had the best one the first time around.
I'm looking for the rest of it - the business and happiness that follows with a job well done.
So- regardless of what tragedy has befallen you lately, a death, a financial crisis, a huge change of any kind that has left you wondering "What the hell do I do now?" You have to get up on those feet, find your Magick and go forward. Practical magick I found inspiring and it continues to be so. I've found myself being able to relate to every female character in the movie at one time or another. I really think that is why we all love it so.
Go for it- Put your Big girl Panties on - and see what you get accomplished!
Blessings!
Dana
17 comments:
Bravo Dana! People deal with grief in different ways, not everyone can 'keep busy' to deal with it. I know I couldn't! And there is nothing wrong with wanting to curl up and die - as long as you get back up. You haven't even had a year yet! So don't feel like you have to do it all just to please someone else. You need to know what is best for you and no one else. So glad to read this blog and will be reading all the others in the Blog Party today. Take care of yourself and remember falling down is not failure, falling down and refusing to get back up is. Love & Peace
Eva
What an inspiring, beautiful and strong post! I wish you nothing but beautiful things for your life and for you.
Your description of being in survival mode and keeping busy and distracted sounds so much like me and it's something I work on everyday.
Many Blessings of Love to You!~
beautiful, heart felt post, thank you for sharing....we all have that inner strength its only that we had forgotten it for a short spell (pardon the pun ) *cackles*
love & light to you special lady
Trace oxox
Your post is both beautiful and inspiring. I know how you feel I lost my best friend at a young age, and mourned as if I lost a child. People dont know what to say, or they overdo it. Know that while you feel your grief alone you are not alone in going through this. Reach out if you need to, and stand alone when you need to. The big girl panties are a great idea!
Love
My link has not been added yet but feel free to stop by at
faeriesagekitchen.blogspot.com
This is strong yet gentle - thanx for the heartfelt prose. Magical Post! If you care come and join us for ours! More Practical Magic at Practical Magic - How To Make A Magic Wand
http://lenorita-lenoramoore.blogspot.com/2010/09/practical-magic-blogparty-2010.html
Your post brought tears to my eyes. You are strong and part of a big sisterhood here in blog land. Thank you for sharing such personal feelings. :)
If you have not already done so, please feel free to fly over and sit with me a spell...
http://faeriemooncreations.blogspot.com/2010/09/because-theres-little-witch-in-every.htm
Sincerely,
Theresa
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think that the most any of us can do is to make the best of every day. Sometimes that means curling up in bed all day recharging, sometimes that means letting the wildchild out. Just remember that you are what's important in the long run.
Thank you so much for inviting me to your blog party and for the inspiration. I send you hope and happiness and I'll need to look for my Big Girl Panties (I think I have them stashed in drawer somewhere just gathering dust).
Your story is wonderful, inspiring
and eye opening. How wise you are.
Please visit me:
momentsinaneye.blogspot.com
That's such a thoughtful post -- thanks for sharing your story. Lots of positive energy for you!!!
-- Birgit
*Snapping that elastic* Haha..great post!
Wonderful party post! Brightest Blessings!
Hi There! I have to say I've never met you but I am proud of what you are saying in this post! What a wonderful way to weave the PM story throughout, but really, I am impressed with your courage to even write about your personal struggles candidly! I believe you will succeed, and I'm rooting for you :)
Wow. I cannot begin to tell you how inspiring your words are to me and how timely. I haven't suffered a horrible loss as you have, but I've had lost some things that were very important to me and I don't think I've ever recovered. I just realized that as I was reading your post. So, thank you for sharing this wonderful post with us. I too have always loved the movie (and the book).
blessings
~*~
This may be the most inspirational post I've read so far. You have so much going for you. You are a winner. Congratulations!
You know after five years of dealing with pain from within and surrounding, falling and standing and falling and standing again I think this post has certainly helped me understand and that is maybe the beginning to prevailing the stormy winds.I think its true what you say that we do relate at every stage of the female characters portrayed in the movie, the metamorphosis we all experience and I never thought of it that way ,until now but you are right.Thank you.
Luved your inspirational post so very, very much!
Wishing you all the very best.
Hugs ~^..^~ *Annabelle
Bravo - it looks like you are finding those feet you need to stand up for yourself and what you need.
I hope that magic brings to you, your other wants and needs soon.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Brightest Blessings,
Penny
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